To My Old Friend

To Amy:

We spent a lot of summer nights with three limes in our glasses and rosy cheeks. We fought the good fight, writing poetry about injustices and telling people they were wrong. We held tiny hands, and showed them we cared. You bought me thoughtful presents, like bird purses and voice recorders. I drove us everywhere in my new car.

It wasn't always roses and poems. The nights got longer and less rosy. My poetry turned to questions,  and you asked me hard ones, too. It got tight and flustered, and we both found new places to walk to. One night, I rode the line too hard, and you saw it. You drove yourself away on the bald wheels of your car, and I let you.

I'm sorry. Have I said that before? 

I always meant to call you again.

You pleaded with me to make time.

I typed my apologies a thousand times, and sent you two.

I waited and thought of your laugh. I hoped, I really did. 

Then today, a breath. You signed it, "take care, friend."

Our cheeks still as rosy, with no more limey residue,  maybe we can still save the world.

Thank you for writing to me.

Gratitude is one of the more inarticulate emotions, but I always like to try.

Thank you. 

Discovery Channel

I really feel like I need to discuss the Discovery Channel. I truly hate television, and Eric and I have gotten to the point where we really watch too much. Like, more than one program a night. NOT OKAY. I grew up on no TV, and I turned out fine. I should not be watching so much.

HOWEVER.

I LOVE THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. My favorite show is easily Dirty Jobs. Mike Rowe is super funny, there's gross stuff all the time, but mostly I like the message. There are people out there who do some seriously nasty stuff to keep our world all shiny and clean. And honestly, most of the people who Mike sees have a smile on their face. Good times.

Free Credit Report commercials. If you've seen them, you know why. 

I really like Cash Cab- it's a normal version of Jeopardy. Ben Bailey is getting funnier and funnier, too. Plus, I keep waiting to see someone I know on there. I know enough people in New York. It should happen pretty soon.

Lastly, DC is one channel away from Animal Planet (Animal Cops!) and two away from TLC and HGTV. I have to watch those two when Eric's not around, but I do some major vicarious living with those people who get to decorate. Someday, I hereby declare, I will truly decorate a room. And it will be sweet. 

So, though I have abandoned my moral standing in regard to television watching, at least I'm still snobby about it.

The Fear Factor

I am back from a grueling week and a half away from home. Eric and I went to Portland for the job fair (very successful... lots of good connections!) and then to LA for the Sirens Reunion Concert, where I got to beatbox live for the first time since... well, since I was at SC.

Visiting LA makes me think long and hard about what success is. I had a period of time shortly following school where I had decided that if I could nail down my definition of "art," I would be successful. Though I fought long and hard for that success, and even came close to defining my artistic voice, I didn't feel successful. Then I thought that if I could get a man, I would be successful. I certainly got a man, but it wasn't an accomplishment that could be measured by the word "success." 

I am confident in my career choice. I am healthy and loved. These are beautiful elements of luck and karma in my life. However, still not a measure of success.

My new idea is that success is something to be measured on a daily basis, and has a lot to do with happiness. I find myself being afraid of being happy, or of committing completely to the idea of a future. If from day to day, I can feel truly happy (since I obviously have plenty to be happy about), and eliminate little pieces of fear one by one, then I am successful. Progress versus accomplishment, that's my new measure. 

Don't forget, also: all you need is love.